After our marriage, my husband and I had problems conceiving.
Back then, we were invited to one baby shower after another. Each time we congratulated our friends and relatives, deep down, our hearts ached, wondering when will it be our turn.
Devastation of miscarriages
In 1992, I became pregnant! But in the second week, just as soon as I discovered the pregnancy, I suffered a miscarriage. Subsequent pregnancies also ended up as miscarriages.
Our hopes to become parents were completely dashed. Why did God repeatedly give us hope only to crush it?
Grieving as a pastor’s wife didn’t make it easier. I had to consider how I was processing the pain in the eyes of my church community, who were loving and supportive throughout.
I was, after all, to them, a pillar of strength.
But the emotional pain eventually proved too much to bear
Comfort through worship
In our quiet moments, my husband and I would often fall on our knees and cry out to the Lord. We could not understand why God would not grant our heart desires, bringing us through fire instead.
Through praying together, God revealed His promise for us through a passage in the Bible, Jeremiah 29:11, assuring us that His plans are good and never to harm us.
We were hopeful once more.
Dashed hopes once more
In 1992, I was pregnant again with a baby boy.
It all went well until my blood pressure elevated drastically.
Diagnosed with preeclampsia, I lived day by day fearing for the worst in this pregnancy even as we prepared the nursery at home.
“I’m so sorry. There is no more heartbeat. You have to deliver the dead baby naturally.”
Before I had to give birth to my stillborn son, alone on the hospital bed, I cried, and I prayed.
At that moment, God comforted me again through Job 13:15 and Joshua 24:15.
“Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.”
“but as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
Looking back, everything has a purpose
By God’s grace, we were blessed with a healthy baby on 4 February 1994. Our daughter is now a beautiful young lady with a career of her own, serving God alongside us.
Maureen (seated) with both daughter Danielle and husband Ps Douglas Goh.
When God brings us deep into the valleys, He attends to us personally and reveals more of Himself as we persevere in seeking Him.
His plans for us are always good even when it seems otherwise.
Today with the comfort that my husband and I had experienced from God in our valley, we are able to empathise with couples who journey through similar experiences.
We comfort them with the same comfort that we had received so that they too, may find hope.
If you are also facing the pain of childlessness or miscarriage, take heart:
God never pushes us away in our pain. Our pain will not go to waste and be used for His greater purpose. Continue to trust Him and believe in His better plans for you.
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