I saw hard-core pornography for the first time around first or second grade.
The effects it had on my life were similar to those of abuse. I was reintroduced to porn at a bookstore as a middle-schooler. Those were hard years for me and porn felt like relief— something good in the midst of something bad. I was hooked.
I came to Christ at a young age and grew up in church, but there was always a dark side to me. I began feeling guilty in high school, but learned it was better not to talk about it. I thought I needed to figure it out on my own, just Jesus and me.
Maybe you’ve fought a similar battle. Maybe you’re fighting one now, or know someone who is. You’re not alone.
When I was 21, I attended Bible school in Austria and later entered full-time Christian ministry. I brought my pornography addiction with me. I lived two lives and my shame started to grow. I didn’t understand why I was powerless over this sexual darkness, so I hid this life at whatever cost.
I took a year away from ministry to focus on restoration. It was a great year, but it didn’t help with my addiction. I attended counseling, but it didn’t help with my addiction.
I believed Jesus wanted to transform me, but could not understand why He wouldn’t heal this area. I decided either I was broken beyond repair or that maybe God wasn’t real. I was in despair, completely hopeless. I had tried everything and stopped believing I could be free.
A chance encounter with Ted Roberts, founder of Pure Desire Ministries, resulted in my wife and me beginning his counseling and recovery program. I had finally met a Christian man who could make sense of what was happening in my life. Ted and his wife navigated us through sexual addiction counseling integrated with a biblical worldview.
I learned that at the core of sexual bondage there’s often an intimacy wound. Now when I struggle, I understand why and have resources to help. My intimacy wounds are healing and I’m learning how to trust my wife and the Lord with all of me.
I can now say I’ve had three years of solid sobriety with no acting out. I’m taking what I learned from Ted and teaching others because this topic is something people are desperate to hear.
Everyone seems to want a book, and there are some good books. But you can’t read or pray your way out of this. You were likely wounded in a relationship and that’s where you’ll find healing. In the context of safe community groups, you must focus on four areas:
There is hope. You can find lasting freedom. But you won’t find it alone, just you and Jesus. Breaking isolation and learning to ask for help – that’s where trust is built and freedom is found.
This journey is difficult, but I’m now walking with integrity and purity, and you can, too.
The first step in this journey is we must trust the only One who can conquer sin— Christ. Have you made the decision to trust Christ as your Lord and Savior? Learn how here.
Do you struggle with temptations like lust or pornography? If so:
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