The Desire Series

How To Enjoy Sex the Way God Designed

Leela Zander

Sex was designed to be enjoyed. You probably don’t need to be told that.

We weren’t meant to just endure it as we went about the business of filling the earth with little humans.

But if you’re reading this article, it’s possible you think there’s a right way to enjoy sex and a wrong way.

Perhaps you’re struggling with sexual temptation but sometimes wonder why you’re bothering to fight?

The answer lies in understanding some basic truths about sex, truths we learn from the One who designed it.

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Why did God create sex?

The Bible teaches that since the beginning of time, God has existed as a perfect union between three persons, referred to as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

So God is Himself a perfect relationship – one God, in three parts – Father, Son with Holy Spirit – serving, adoring and honoring one another.

In Genesis 1:26-27, God created man and woman to reflect His image.  We were designed to be reflections of who He is and what He is like.

What does this have to do with sex?

Yes, sex is about two bodies being joined together. But sex as God designed it is much much more.

Sex is also two souls being bound together on a profound level. Sex unites two people physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Because binding two souls together is a pretty big deal, God created a secure context in which to experience sex. This is called marriage.

God’s picture of healthy sexuality is a man and woman belonging exclusively to each other in marriage. This provides a safe environment for both of them to physically give themselves to each other as an act of love, free from fear, insecurity and shame.

Because love bears fruit, God designed sex so that one of the natural outcomes of sex is children. Marriage is also intended to be the secure foundation for a stable environment for children to grow in.

So why does God care about the specifics of our sex lives?

God is wiser than us. Period. He sees and understands everything. So when we take sex into our own hands, defining it as we see fit, the results are often confusion, betrayal, heartbreak and even abuse.

It’s important to note here that even within marriage sex can be used in ways God did not intend. Non-consensual sex happens both inside and outside marriage relationships.

But marriage, as God envisions it, is about sacrifice and commitment, not power.

Bad decisions have consequences.

When we drink alcohol before driving a car, we understand the chances of something painful happening increase. We might think one drink won’t make a difference or that we deserve the drink because we’ve had a hard day. But if we crash the car and injure someone, no one will listen to those explanations and free us from the consequences.

Likewise when we use sex in a way God did not intend, we have to prepare ourselves for the consequences.

This is not God punishing you but rather the natural aftereffects of your choices.

God wants to protect you from entering into sexual relationships in an unsafe way.

He warns us repeatedly to stay as far away from sexual impurity as possible because it’s a car crash waiting to happen. (Matthew 5:27-30,  1 Corinthians 6:12-20, Ephesians 5:3, Hebrews 13:4)

God instructs us to only have sex with our spouse because He intended marriage to represent His love: faithful, committed, unconditional and permanent.

When God says He loves you, He means I will never give up on you. Even if you betray Him, He will still love you.

Love isn’t just a feeling – it’s an action. It’s about two people mutually, unselfishly, giving themselves to each other.

So if sex is meant to represent love in its purest form, treating it as something designed primarily for our personal satisfaction is misusing a gift given to us by God.

What if your unhealthy sexual experiences were not of your own choosing?

If you’ve been sexually abused, it’s vital that you know that God is not displeased with you.

What happened to you was not your choice. The fault lies with the abuser who will be accountable to God for those actions.

God saw what happened and you have not dishonored Him or a possible future husband. If you are struggling to move forward in your life as a result of abuse, see our article on forgiveness.

What does sex outside of God’s design communicate to the world?

  • Sex outside of marriage communicates that commitment is not needed.
  • Masturbation communicates that relationship is not needed.
  • Pornography communicates that it’s okay to exploit, objectify and devalue people.
  • Rape communicates that consent is not needed and manipulation or abuse are OK.

Some things for you to think about or discuss with a friend:

  1. Think about the family environment you grew up in. What did it teach you about sexuality and marriage?

  2. Read the list above of what sex outside of God’s design communicates to the world. Journal about which of these is most challenging to you and why.

  3. Choose a friend who wants to commit to expressing their sexuality according to God’s design. Plan times to talk regularly about how to work on staying true to your beliefs.

Desire: A Series for Women

An Introduction

How Could You Love Me if You Really Knew Me?

How To Enjoy Sex the Way God Designed

Warning - Porn and Masturbation Are Not Safe Sex

What Do I Do With My Craving For Sex?

Do I Really Need to Tell Somebody?

Who’s The Last Person You Want to Forgive?

So What Is Triggering Your Sexual Desire?

How Far is Too Far When You’re Dating?

No One Can Fight Your Battles, But They Can Stand With You

A Legacy of Changed Lives

See how students are making a lasting impact through summer missions with Cru.

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