Depression is a dark, lonely place. For me, it feels as though I am trapped, drowning, with no hope of rescue. This has been my reality for as long as I can remember.
I’ve seen counselors, taken the gamut of medications and been unofficially diagnosed with a bunch of guesses. On bad days, I think I’m just what a misguided but well-meaning friend suggested: a worrywart.
One out of six adults will experience depression in their lifetime. Chances are if you don’t, you have a friend who struggles.
When I was 6 years old, I used to wander the playground at school, fighting the negative scripts that ran through my head.
My family moved a lot, but I don’t think I was a sad kid. I was raised in a loving home, and my life is filled with good memories. But there’s always been a lingering fear in my mind.
Today, I’m 38, a writer and happily married with two children. Still, I have days when my inner world is in such upheaval I can’t get out of bed. So I stay in, nursing a headache fueled by inner voices of condemnation.
Real life doesn’t afford staying in bed.
In those moments, I feel profoundly broken.
Christians have a way of shooting the wounded. Even I am guilty of this. When I meet someone who is struggling, my first instinct is to fix him. If I can fix him, I think to myself, I’ll feel better; I will have done some good, and I can move on.
More often, though, our attempts to fix simply reveal our lack of understanding.
God does the opposite. God meets us where we are, and he sticks with us.
In the Bible, there is a story of a man named Elijah who was being chased by a queen named Jezebel. He begged God to let him die. Rather than fixing him or his predicament, God offered him rest. God allowed him to sleep, feeding him for two days. Later, they talked (1 Kings 19:1-18).
When Abraham, childless and discouraged, sat in his tent and cried, God showed up. Rather than reasoning with him, God offered Abraham hope as they walked and counted the stars (Genesis 15:1-6).
The problem with depression is that when people say it’s all in your head, they are absolutely correct. As the cells in your brain are unable to transmit or receive the right signals to regulate mood, your body may slow down, your stomach may tighten. You may lose your appetite, or gain one. You may want to sleep all the time, you may not be able to sleep, and on and on.
Depression and anxiety are as baffling as we humans are complex. There’s no simple solution, and acting like there is one is like throwing salt on the wound. My situation is not the same as someone else’s.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t help. The following are a few things I’ve learned that were good for me. Maybe they will help you navigate your own, or a friend’s, depression or anxiety:
* The content of this article is not intended to endorse or be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have.
writes for Cru's publications as a missionary journalist. He earned a master’s degree in Christian studies at Regent College in Vancouver, British Columbia. Philip balances family life along with bike riding, drawing and whittling toy cars. Contact him at Philip.Long@cru.org.
A licensed mental health professional’s opinions on depression, when antidepressants are a necessary and healthy treatment and what other methods or treatments may be helpful.
"Perhaps we expect punishment from God, either because we see Him as a harsh master, or see ourselves as dead wood, deserving to be thrown away and burned."
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