From as early as I can remember, my mom was a substance abuser.
As time went on I fell in love with school because there I could find friends, loving teachers, and I could perform well enough to get everyone’s approval. At the end of 8th grade, my mom’s addiction began to prevent her from keeping jobs and paying bills. She was a single parent, so that summer I moved in with my Grandma and Aunt.
When I got to my new high school I began a new life for myself. I excelled academically, participated in tons of clubs, and I made a lot of friends, which all led to me painting a really pretty picture of my life.
By the end of my senior year I had everything I wanted, friends, a great college at NC State, and scholarships that would pay for my college. So I moved into college 2 months after graduation and I was living the college life.
The only problem was I hated every bit of the college life, I didn’t have any of the great friends I made in high school, all of my achievements meant nothing to 30,000 students around me, and I felt like I had nowhere to turn.
I met a guy from Cru at a cookout and he really pursued a friendship with me and eventually I started going to a Bible study he led. At one of those studies I remember going over Psalm 63:1, “You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.”
I was completely in shock that someone could feel that way about God and so I spent the rest of that semester trying to figure out who God was and it was over winter break that it all clicked and I placed my faith in Christ.
Since then God has blessed me with a great community of people from Cru. But more than anything He has taught me that my entire life I thought I was working for it all, but in reality He is a sovereign God that has always had a plan for my life and has always been a part of my life getting me to where I am today.
I find it easy to pity someone like me when I think of my story, but it’s actually a beautiful story because it’s part of God’s story that He’s allowed me to be a part of.
If you are reading this and for some reason you hate God, and you feel alone, know that He is constantly loving you. He will turn the situation around. Therefore, choose God as He chooses you.
It could be said that I grew up in the church, however, my heart was not entirely in it.
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