I’ve heard it said before that our strengths could be our greatest weaknesses. I think that statement is so true in my life and has been surfaced over this past year. Loyalty would be one of my greatest strengths. I am loyal to the core. Unwavering in my allegiance to someone or some cause. But, with that loyalty, I can tend to expect the same unwavering loyalty from others. I can choose loyalty over obedience to God. Just to name a few of the many weaknesses.
My loyalty has been tested in the area of giving leadership away for the furthering of God’s kingdom. Let me share just 3 of the examples where this has surfaced in my life over the past 6 months:
The last example has been the most powerful and convicting in my own life. I have sensed God calling my friend, KK, (who I’ve known since our freshman year at LSU 15+ years ago) to Ethiopia. I would find myself over the past year subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) asking God not to call her to go, feeling guilty deep in my soul to pray such a thing. “But really God, she is my conference roommate, she is the friend I call to vent to, we’ve had the joys of being in ministry together on different campuses and being able to relate on so many different levels...” My prayers were so self-focused with that “it’s all about me” mindset. Somewhere deep down I knew my mindset was off, but I would try to justify my inner thoughts away every time.
Then we were sitting next to each other in the back of Moby for CSU 2011 (Cru’s staff conference in Colorado this summer) during Francis Chan’s 1st talk. I vividly remember when he said, “We must be careful to not let people talk us out of what GOD is calling us to do.” Ouch. That stung. My heart dropped. I had that burning feeling in my core. I knew that is what I had been doing with my friend, KK, because I couldn’t bear the thought of her being umpteen thousand miles away. The thought gnawed at me during his entire talk. The Holy Spirit’s conviction was setting in. I knew I needed to talk with her and apologize. “I can’t Lord! If I do, she will move to Africa!” And then, moments later, I would have the thought, “But I want her to be where You want her and not where I want her…”
Well, Steve Sellers set me up perfectly. Right after Francis Chan’s talk, Steve Sellers asked us to turn to the people around us and share what God was doing in our hearts or to share areas where we were convicted. I had that pit in my stomach feeling- knowing I had a choice to speak what God was really impressing on my heart or to come up with some ridiculous scapegoat to avoid this conversation in hopes it would all just go away. I turned to my friend, KK, and with tears in my eyes, and a lump in my throat, and that bubble in my stomach that made me feel like I could throw up in that moment, I confessed that I had discouraged her passion for Ethiopia and that I knew God was doing something in her heart and I wanted to be supportive in encouraging her to go where HE led her.
TWO DAYS before this conversation, she had just sent letters to all of her supporters announcing her plans to start seminary in the fall and stay on staff with Cru. My confession to her was part of what God used to confirm that He was indeed leading her to Ethiopia. As I type these words, KK is in the process of finishing up raising the last of the support she needs to head to Ethiopia ASAP to bring the hope of Christ to hurting people in Africa. My selfish fleshly motives were fighting against God’s plan just months ago. How foolish!
ARE YOU STIFLING SOMEONE FROM GOING OR DOING WHAT GOD MAY WANT THEM DOING AND WHAT MAY BE BEST FOR THEIR DEVELOPMENT BECAUSE YOU HAVE YOUR OWN AGENDA?
HOW CAN WE GET TO A PLACE OF BEING MORE GENEROUS ABOUT GIVING AWAY LEADERSHIP RATHER THAN HOARDING IT? WHAT DOES THIS PRACTICALLY LOOK LIKE?
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