Dale and Jonalyn Fincher are authors of “Coffee Shop Conversations: Making the Most of Spiritual Small Talk.” This is an excerpt.
***
I (Jonalyn) was in the library browsing videos when suddenly I sniffed something unpleasant. A woman reeking of cigarettes was perusing the shelf directly below me. I recoiled. Why couldn’t she wait until I was done? Her clothes were rumpled and dirty, and her hair hung in greasy clumps around her face. I felt no desire to move out of her way, since I was there first—and didn’t she know that she smelled bad enough to make people edge away?
That’s when I heard something distinctly from God.
“That’s what pain smells like.”
I glanced back, but the woman was gone. In a split second, the woman became a human again. How could I have thought of her as less? What was her life like? What did she need, and what did she long for?
We’ve adapted that lesson in all our conversations. Now, when we are in conversation with a teen girl bragging about her sexual exploits, I’ll think, “That’s what pain looks like.” When we watch as our dinner companions argue, the man cutting off his wife repeatedly to belittle her opinion, Dale’s eyes will telegraph, “He’s hurting.” When I fantasize about one-upping someone in my head, I’ll often hear Jesus say, “You’re doing this because you’re hurting.”
…
The only time we have a right to talk with someone and introduce Jesus is when we’re certain we see them as equally human, broken, and in pain like us. Don’t we know pain? The kind that has kept us from showering, led us on a hunt for any distraction, whether it be sleep or books or DVDs at the local library?
But when I objectified her as “such as mess”, when we capture a person’s entire state as “so lost” or “the needy one,” rather than a human like me, we cannot really help them. Until we open up to two-way giving and receiving, our acts of charity, whether they be donating, witnessing, volunteering, dining with an argumentative couple, listening to a troubled teen, or striking up a conversation with a woman at a library will remain drive-by acts of charity…
Most of us do not love others well. We don’t naturally approach those different from us with this humble question, “What can they teach me?” But, today, we can change that.
©1994-2020 Cru. All Rights Reserved.
