I've Been THAT Single Girl

“Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” (Col 3:1-3)

In our walks with God, at times we may find that in the worries and concerns of every day life we have taken our eyes off of the Lord and fixed them on ourselves. In doing so, we are setting ourselves up for trouble.

How I’ve seen this displayed over and over and over again in my life is in the area of singleness. I’ve decided to actually go there and to address an area that I know many women on our staff and even students struggle with during different seasons.

I’ve been the staff girl that  on a slice survey from Cru I’ve vented frustrations of our organization not valuing singles and valuing families more. I’ve felt left out, hurt, angry, bitter. I’ve asked the question, why at a staff conference at age 30, am I packed like sardines into housing with multiple other women and a 25 year old married woman gets a cabin with just her husband?  I’ve been the staff girl that  has asked the question, why we have to celebrate every new marriage and birth at a staff conference when all that does for me is bring to the surface the deep hurt and questions of whether or not I’ll ever get to experience those things?

I’ve been the staff girl that  questions why when a husband mentions “the family has plans already” for why he can’t be at something, it’s viewed and valued differently than when a single “has plans already”.  I’ve been the staff girl  in her 30’s and single that can hear a 20 year old student voice frustration of her singleness and vocalize her deep concern and question of why she has to wait so long to find “the one” and ask the Lord to make me feel like I’m confined in a straightjacket so I don’t feel the overwhelming urge to shake the 20 year old to the point of whiplash.  I’ve been the staff girl that  gets a shower invitation in the mail and I sit in my little pity party and stew about how if I’d take all the $ I spent on shower gifts this year, I would have been able to buy myself the coveted Kitchen Aid mixer that every single girl longs for.

I’ve felt many emotions in regard to singleness, but over the past year, what I’ve most felt has been a deep contentment. I’ve experienced that kind of contentment that I can’t produce or manifest on my own. True contentment. No meltdowns. Joy in others blessings. A deep sense of truly knowing and believing that God knows what He is doing. What’s changed? In a nutshell- what I’ve focused on has changed.

CONTENTMENT IS A DEEP TRUST IN THE SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD AND WE SEE IT ALL OVER IN 1ST CORINTHIANS 7.

We must TRUST that God is in control of our lives. HE has not forgotten about us. He is a FATHER that KNOWS what is BEST in our lives.

OUR CONTENTMENT CAN’T BE BASED ON A DESTINATION THAT LAYS OUT THERE IN THE FUTURE. OUR CONTENTMENT WAS NOT DESIGNED TO BE FULFILLED IN EXTERNAL CIRCUMSTANCES. OUR CONTENTMENT WAS DESIGNED TO BE FULFILLED THROUGH THE INTERNAL REALITY OF JESUS.

Our identity is not found in marital status or a relationship status, but rather our identity is found in Christ. I’m a daughter of the King of Kings, His princess. There really is no other status that tops that.

I need to trust that God knows what He is doing and if I’m single, then God has a purpose in my singleness that I must be careful not to waste. It’s easy for me to find myself becoming to focused inward to the point of taking my eyes off Christ. I’m a melancholy. (Translate: think things to death and over analyze and become too self-focused).

What saddens me is when I see women become so bitter toward God and others in their singleness that they blame their singleness on ministry. While I do think many singles need to learn to have some margins to allow for time to have peer relationships (could be a blog post in and of itself!), but I’d be cautious of bitterness being the drive behind leaving full time ministry.

As Christians, our desire should be to walk closer to the Lord, but in our trying to achieve this, sometimes we find ourselves looking only at the sin in our lives. Our focus should not be solely inward, but on Christ. If our focus is only inward, we find ourselves striving in our flesh to get rid of sin. When we are looking inward, we find ourselves without peace or joy and bring upon ourselves guilt and condemnation. Jesus said the Holy Spirit comes to convict the world of sin so if we keep our minds focused on Christ and allow God’s Spirit to do His work within us,  He  will convict us of our sins and  He  will bring us to repentance and  He  will bring about the changes in our lives.

I may have to still live like sardines with other women at conferences or witness others celebrate their new marriages or births at conferences, but when my eyes are on Christ and not on myself and my circumstances, it makes a WORLD of difference in my response and how I feel in those situations.

So my encouragement to you, singles, is to take your eyes off of yourself and focus on Christ. As I’ve done that, I truly find myself more content and able to enjoy other’s blessings. I’m not drowning in my own sorrows and I’m able to see needs of others and want to serve. I’m freed up from feeling defined by the reality that there is no hardware on my left finger.

WHAT ABOUT YOU—-HOW DO YOU, PRACTICALLY SPEAKING, “FOCUS ON CHRIST” SO THAT YOU CAN TAKE YOUR EYES OFF OF YOURSELF?