I grew up in the church. My mom brought us to church every week. I was always one of those “I am perfect”-type of girls. I always did my memory verse on the way to church. I was the goody-two-shoes.
But I judged people a lot because if other people weren’t doing good things I was doing, I thought they were a little bit worse than me.
I remember thinking, why don’t I sin more? Whenever I had to do that exercise where we had to write down our sins and nail them to a cross I would always write down one and say I just can’t think of anymore. That sounds so stupid now.
I made my salvation decision when I was 5-years-old. These people came to my church and told the gospel through puppets. And the lady said, “Who wants to pray?” And I said, “Me.” I remember putting my hand down when she walked by because I got scared, but I did pray.
Then in 7th grade, I entered youth group. I was so excited to be in youth group. My sisters were in it and they always had so much fun. I think at the first retreat is when I first experienced God’s presence. From that point on I knew He was real. There was no denying that part of it. I knew He loved me and that He sent His Son for my salvation.
But I still didn’t understand why I needed salvation because I didn’t realize my brokenness. I thought I was not so bad. I thought, I’m okay. Yeah, Christ died for me, but…
From that point on, I was relatively on and off. I did my devotions. Senior year I was characterized by achievement and doing really well in school. But I didn’t get into the colleges I wanted.
The summer after senior year I went to a bunch of conferences. At one of the conferences during the worship I realized how broken I really was. Through all that time, I was not realizing my sin—that was the biggest sin of all. I was so prideful. So focused on achieving in my own right. I didn’t realize how broken and depraved I really was.
That point was the start, and then I went to college.
I think the last year I have been realizing more and more, God revealing to me more and more of my sins. In a good way, it feels terrible, but in a really good way.
Attrace, a junior at Cal Berkeley, is pursuing a double major in social welfare and environmental science. Attrace grew up in Massachusetts, but now her family lives in San Diego.
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