resource
Have You Ever Wondered, “Why Me?”
Is there a grand design behind why and how the gospel came to you when it did?
August 2017
The day in May 2013 was unusually sunny for Newcastle, England. University student Miriam Westfall donned a new skirt for a stroll in Armstrong Park with her friend.
While resting on a bench, Miriam and her friend saw a man fall from a nearby bridge. His body landed 10 feet away.
Adrenaline and panic filled Miriam. Concerned for the man and for her distraught friend, she called for an ambulance and directed it to the park.
In the days and months that followed, that moment in the park wreaked havoc on Miriam physically, mentally and emotionally.
Though few female university students experience this type of extreme trauma, a mental health crisis is sweeping across colleges. And it raises serious issues for those working with female students, including Christian ministries like Cru®.
Infographic by Cru
“Researchers found that more than one in four (26%) women aged 16 to 24 had anxiety, depression, panic disorder, phobia or obsessive compulsive disorder,” according to a survey of women in England published by The Guardian newspaper in September 2016.
The findings in the United Kingdom as a whole, the United States and Canada are strikingly similar.
The research suggests that social media pressure, childhood trauma and sexual violence are linked to a drastic rise in chronic mental health or post-traumatic stress disorder in young women.
“There’s a lot more stress, anxiety, speed of life, overload of information, expectations and an erosion of those kinds of things that supported the development into adulthood.”
Linda Talbert, a staff member with Agape UK (a ministry of Cru) who has a PhD in counseling and psychotherapy
Many of today’s college students haven’t learned healthy boundaries in relationships, how to bond well with others, how to communicate well and how to cope in stressful situations.
“I feel a real sadness. It feels like it’s really hard to be a young person,” Linda says. “It seems like the pressures on young people today are mounting, especially on Christians who want to live out their faith.”
As Linda mentioned, Christian women can have an additional layer to the struggle: They can frequently believe lies about mental health as it relates to their faith.
Christians sometimes believe that even having a mental health problem is sinful. But mental health problems may mean you’re unwell, like if you have the flu or diabetes.
The trauma controlled Miriam’s life. She slowly isolated herself from people. She grew anxious in social situations. She lost her appetite. She was afraid of leaving her flat on sunny days. Seeing bridges and hearing sirens caused her to relive the trauma.
And she demanded answers from God.
“Where are You?” she would cry out, feeling trapped in a darkness that wouldn’t lift. Miriam doubted whether God cared or if He even existed.
Miriam’s friend Kimberley Carribine, a staff member with Agape, watched Miriam’s ability to function decline.
“Why would anyone want to be around me?” she asked herself, often feeling worthless. “I have nothing to offer.”
Kimberley chose not to let Miriam struggle alone. Kimberley encouraged her to seek professional help, where Miriam was diagnosed with PTSD. Kimberley also waited outside Miriam’s first counseling appointment.
The specific counseling treatment Miriam underwent, though essential in her healing process, robbed her of energy.
In response, Kimberley brought meals when Miriam couldn’t take care of herself. She invited Miriam into her home. She prayed with Miriam. They looked at the Bible together, reading one passage of Scripture at a time. They practiced rereading that passage so that Miriam would dwell on truth, even when she had a hard time believing it. And Kimberley resisted giving superficial answers when Miriam angrily questioned God.
But Jesus remained attractive to Miriam, even when she doubted God.
“Kimberley said that she was following Jesus. And she was one of the safest people I knew,” Miriam says. “I put two and two together, and realized that this guy Jesus was making Kimberley into an amazing friend, even when I had nothing to give back.”
One day in a counseling session, Miriam reached a turning point. As she asked God yet again where He was, she says He showed her how He had been present with her through every moment of the trauma and the slow, painful recovery.
Healing has taken several years for Miriam, but the process changed how she interacts with people.
“I can identify what it’s like to be in a really dark place and doubt God,” Miriam says.
She now serves as an intern for Agape and works with many university students who deal with mental health issues. She credits Kimberley with helping her learn how to care for people experiencing mental health problems.
There is a great chance that you know someone struggling with mental health issues. What are ways to help?
Pay attention if your friend’s low mood lingers for weeks or months or if she isn’t her usual self. Is she having trouble sleeping, eating or getting work done? Is she isolating herself?
We can easily brush past the pain of others because we don’t know how to respond. Acknowledging the pain can be very powerful.
When a friend tries to understand what you’re experiencing, this builds trust. Creating space for your friend to be honest will help.
Biblical truth is vital, but sometimes the Bible verses we use or their timing won’t encourage someone. Think through what would be most helpful.
Struggling with mental health makes doing everyday tasks difficult. Take your friend a meal or coffee. Offer to do some household chores. Or your friend may simply need you to sit with her.
Most of us are not professionally trained mental health experts. If you’re not, point your friend to a local church pastor, a psychologist or a counselor.
For more information and resources, visit www.nimh.nih.gov.
Rachel, a Pittsburgh native, serves as director of content strategy and as a story editor for digital and print communications for Cru®. A 2012 graduate of Ohio University, she received a journalism degree, which so far has taken her around the U.S., to Morocco, Russia, Spain and Moldova.
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resource
Have You Ever Wondered, “Why Me?”
Is there a grand design behind why and how the gospel came to you when it did?
August 2017