My name is Gillian and I crave acceptance.
In high school I always wanted people to like me. I would do things like getting good grades or even baking cakes and bringing them into class so that people would appreciate me and see the need for me in their lives. I wanted people to want me in their lives and to be the person that they turned to for advice.
I just wanted to be accepted. But instead of having them accept me for who I was, I tried to change into the person I thought they wanted me to be.
I was so scared that one day people wouldn’t accept me anymore. I used to be so upset when I wasn’t invited somewhere that my friends were, and I would feel really rejected.
Being accepted made me feel happy, but I always wanted more. I thought it was impossible that someone would like me forever, and I was scared that one day they wouldn’t anymore.
When I came to university I realized just how much I needed Christ in my life. Before that I had done quite well on my own with a supportive family and Christian friends. That completely changed when I moved to Glasgow to study because I was in a new city, with new people.
I started going to church in Glasgow and explored the Bible more deeply with some Christian girls I met there. I realized that I just needed to feel fully accepted and that I hadn’t found that yet.
I learned more about myself and more about Jesus. He loves everyone no matter our race, or past, what secrets or fears we have.
I have loads of fears, and I just couldn’t quite understand how someone would take mine from me or would accept me for who I am. It’s taken me a long time to believe that someone could accept me even when I mess up everyday, because I still crave acceptance. I just know now that I don’t have to change to be accepted.
Life isn’t easier as a Christian; I still get upset and get hurt quite easily. In my head I know I am accepted but in my heart I need reminding of that every day.
Knowing that Jesus won’t ever change and that His love for me is always going to stay the same helps me on that journey of getting closer to full acceptance. My perspective has changed.
My name is Gillian, I crave acceptance and I’ve found it in Jesus.